Halloween 2003 | Daily Prompt: Moment of Clarity

Tell us about a time you’d been trying to solve a knotty problem — maybe it was an interpersonal problem, a life problem, a big ol’ problem — and you had a moment of clarity when the solution appeared to you, as though you were struck by lightening.

We were sixteen, maybe seventeen. I had just ingested copious amounts of psychedelic mushrooms. I sat laying on your floor rehashing the past several months. You lay on your bed making advances towards a girl whose boyfriend laid comatose beside you.

I had lost my job and was running low on funds. We were involved in the punk scene, or at least we dressed the part. I gave up on school. You were still trying to make an appearance.

It was Halloween, and the girls boyfriend had shown up at your parent’s house with the drugs. I can’t remember if we paid him for them or not. You were emotionally unstable, which was not news to me when you admitted it to me two days prior. You told me you were bipolar. I never told you I was depressed, though you probably knew. We were self medicating. Being a full-time drug user is a full-time job. While you were in school I was learning the finer arts of how to make a quick buck.

I was your supplier. I traded drugs for friendship. I let myself get used.

That night was the last time I saw you as a friend. I had woken up for the first time in almost a year. I didn’t like what I looked like, how I was living, or who I was. I cleaned up and left town. I came back a couple months later and tried to explain why I had walked away. You were angry. I had cut you out of my life that night. I turned my back not only on you, but on other people.

I saved myself. I chose life. You didn’t understand.

Sometimes people are cancer. If we were still friends right now I’d probably be dead.

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Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. Daily Prompt: Moment of Clarity | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss - December 28, 2013
  2. Knotty problems | A mom's blog - December 28, 2013

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